dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm both gender and math confused
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