I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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