4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
