That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
