I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
