I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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