I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
