My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
