I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
