Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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