I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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