His hands were made for my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
