im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
