Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
