Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Panties = found
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
