And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
