Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
