I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
