My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
