Having a random hookup so left but love u
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
