White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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