If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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