I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
