I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
