If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
