Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
