lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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