Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
