Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
