i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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