i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
