i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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