I'm really into asian looking animals
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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