i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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