He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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