remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A+ Viking dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
