what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
