You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
