she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
