wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
