I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
