Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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