I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
