dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
