There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We talked him into tasing himself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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