it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
