My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
