She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
