I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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