she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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