At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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